im drinking this country out of the recession.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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