how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My penis needs a shock collar
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
