The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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