Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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