Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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