Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
