I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
