i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
