is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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