man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
