I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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