My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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