just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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