So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
