mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
