No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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