Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
