she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
