my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
