okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
