Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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