do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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