Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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