I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
