I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
