I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
