I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
