3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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