I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
