sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
