So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
