Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
