yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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