Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
