Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
