You just made me feel so damn special
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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