And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
