God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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