We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
