My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
