He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
