My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
