Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
