My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
