if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
