But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
