i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
