Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
