My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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