If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
