You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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