I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
