so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
