so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
