Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
